Kissing Jessica Stein - my favorite singles flick

I had forgotten how much I love this movie until I watched it again today - twice. Jessica Stein is a great example of how we fool ourselves in the dating world and rarely understand ourselves and our own contribution to the ‘single cycle’. 

This is a great script with some pretty valuable insights. Jessica explores a lesbian relationship in an attempt to try something new; something a little ‘un-Jessica” since being Jessica wasn’t getting her anywhere. She, like myself had tried meeting men through a series of blind dates and found fault in all of her suitors whether it be a linguistic misstep or a different point of view. It was all their fault, not hers. She can laugh about this string of dating disasters until her ex Josh calls her on it and suggests she isn’t ready to date because she isn’t open enough (why are exes always so great at reminding us of our own short-comings?). “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” Good point. I’m sure that applies to me on more levels than I care to imagine. When we are negative - we see things negatively. When we are positive - we view things with optimism. Makes sense. 

After a littany of reasons why we can’t find someone to date - perhaps it’s time to seek clarity on the common denominator - ourselves. If we want someone open to new things - we have to be open to new things ourselves. “You can’t possibly know who you are and how you’ll respond to something until you try it,” says Jessica’s lover, Helen. 

I like Helen - she is open, willing, confident and just takes things as they come. She is a wonderful contrast to Jessica who finds fault in everything and is closed off to anything new. This is demonstrated by a terrific scene in a cab where Jessica asks Helen what kind of lipstick she is wearing. Helen tells her it’s a combination of three different lipsticks to create this one great colour. She suggests Jessica try it to which Jessica, not surprisingly responds that it is too labour intensive. She is looking for the one perfect colour. Helen says “you’ll never find it. Blend.”

I’d love to meet whoever wrote for Helen. The advice is smart and it makes me think about my own struggles in the dating world. Perhaps the problem isn’t the inventory available to me. Maybe it’s what I bring to the table myself. How can I expect something from someone that I don’t have to offer myself. I have a friend who has the same unrealistic expectations. She expects to meet a dynamic person who will try anything yet she won’t even try sushi.  Someone who is ready for everything excludes nothing - or so they say. 

So the movie leaves me with optimism and armed with some great advice. I’ll really have to think about myself and what I can do to improve before I raise the bar on my own expectations. The only question this film, like any other film doesn’t answer is why do these characters NEVER say goodbye when they get off the phone? Shouldn’t ‘good bye’ or ‘talk to you later’ also be written into the script? The advice was great, now let’s move on to the manners!